i jhust puked up my retainher.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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