yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
