I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
