thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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