I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
BRING THE BAGELS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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