im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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