i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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