just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
