Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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