Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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