Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
