I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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