You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
