Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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