If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
