we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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