the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
