Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
