i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
