I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
In America we eat man semen.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize