I wish i was in the wii world.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
