I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will pee on everything he values.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
