I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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