she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
