So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
