I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
