her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
