I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
