I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
