I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
