You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
