I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
