a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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