you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His hands were made for my vagina.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize