is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
