Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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