No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
