Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize