Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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