I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
