I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
