We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
