I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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