Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize