I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
