i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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