I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
