Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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