look no pants
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
