so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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