I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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