covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
