it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
