I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
