Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I touched a dick in church today
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
