so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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