Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
