I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
