You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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