So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
