soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
