ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
