When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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