tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize