i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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