so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
