Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
