You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Vodka?
Forever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up under a house in Key West
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
