did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
