I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
