I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
barbara walters just said penis...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize